I had this frantic, kinetic energy once I made the decision to leave. I could not sit still.
Once my mind was made it was a period of two months and I was sitting on a plane, waiting to leave everything I knew. Sitting next to me was my youngest daughter Olive. I could not leave her behind. This was part of the reason for everyone's upset. I had pulled her from school, her friends, her family, and her home on my selfish decision. I had chosen to stop the life we had created together. She was completely torn, and I forced her to choose between me and all she knew. I forced her to choose between me and her father.
What had I done?
And now, after everything, she may never choose me again. At that moment I was scared. More scared than I had ever been. If I knew what I know now, I would never have taken her with me. And she may have chosen to come back to me.
It was November 1st, 2021. We were on one of the first freedom flights out of Australia. As I looked out the window of the plane and the view of Sydney falling away behind me, flashes of the past two months had tears welling and a sense of freedom mixed with dread. Relationships torn apart, fighting in the street with my ex husband, fighting and pleading with my elder two daughters, fighting with my brother, my sister, my mum. Trying to explain to them why I was going, what my reasons were. Showing them the preparations made, the business I was trying to launch, the retreats and workshops we would hold once in Mexico. It didn’t matter.
First the argument was that we would be kidnapped, I found out it was more likely I would be kidnapped in the US, Canada or Australia than Mexico. Then it was Covid, I said the rest of the world was open to travel and that against my will or wishes I would have both Olive and I vaccinated. Then it was we would be killed by the Cartel, by this stage I was just rolling my eyes. I was going to Mexico to build my business, to learn and practise my spirituality. Not getting mixed up with the Cartel, nightclubs or any kind of party scene. In one of the last conversations I had with my ex he had spoken that his greatest fear was that I would find love. After being divorced for over seven years, his greatest fear was I would find love. He was remarried, and yet he still feared I would find love. That I could be happy. That I would not return.
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