After the trauma of a lifetime till now, how do you start to heal?
When do you come to the realisation that it can be better, you feel you want to choose differently, when you realise you continue to have the same lessons, attracting the same energy into your life?
What is that moment? How do you see it?
It was a few years before leaving for Mexico that I had been having inconsistent chest pains. I felt as if I couldn’t catch my breath, and if I was to inhale sharply or deeply there would be a shooting pain within my heart. Every time it came I felt scared, was this it? Was I going to have a heart attack? Had I cracked a rib surfing?
I felt I was too young and healthy, that I shouldn’t be having these pains. I booked a session with my doctor, a beautiful old man who was so gifted in seeing what was truly going on. Dr Vanhuffel has been the primary doctor for my family for years and someone I trusted dearly.
I was in his room, on the bed as he ran his tests, checked my blood pressure, listened to my heart, felt my ribs, took blood and checked my vitals. I described the pain I was having and how frequently. In his beautiful, kind manner, he looked me in the eyes and said, you are fit and healthy, I wonder - I think you have a broken heart…
As soon as he spoke the words, I broke down in a flood of tears. This wasn’t something that had just occurred, it was years and years of having my heart broken. I sat there with him and felt everything unravel before my eyes. As he spoke, everything I had held within so tightly was now slowly, gently, being pulled apart. Now as I write this, the emotion from that moment overwhelms me and I feel the tears once more.
He spoke to me that the pain I was physically experiencing was representing the emotional pain I wasn’t dealing with.
I felt like he knew what was going on with me at a soul level. And it was my soul, my heart in need of tenderness.
I was relieved yet also confused as to what my course of action could be. At least with a heart problem, the healing is handed to doctors and medications. With an emotional or soul wound, we are left to our own devices. And so began the journey of healing my heart…
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