If you have been following along with each chapter being released - thank you x
This is where we start to enter into my backstory, sometimes it feels uncomfortable, sometimes it feels too much, hopefully my vulnerability allows just one person to feel seen with their experience.
Know, know deep down within you, that there is light at the end of it all. There is a way out. There is hope, there is healing and you shall find peace.
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78d82f29-d6d2-405a-bd1e-c86f9d132886_768x1024.jpeg)
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff88e9d20-6e26-4264-8946-8980311a58b0_768x1024.jpeg)
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a26aba5-8515-45b2-8582-396e51ff4755_768x1024.jpeg)
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fab2e3889-14e7-4740-be5d-54b6b24f0a53_768x1024.jpeg)
Our psyche develops between the ages of 0 and 7. Before our ego has time to formulate, this crucial time in our development is where we learn how we deserve to be treated, what feels safe, our programming and beliefs are set in place at this time and how we view the world.
When we start to look at the inner child there are two main things at play here - healing wounding that may have been caused during our childhood, and coming into cultivating this energy where we can have more fun, more play, more curiosity and wonder within our world around us.
So, I invite you to look at this work as the child would. Be curious, be kind to self and others that played a role, look at the healing work with a sense of compassion to self and others.
When I think back to my own development during this time there was chaos, there was love and laughter, there was abuse and alcoholism, there was cheating and there was adventure. A very confusing time for a young mind trying to make sense of everything.
With a highly emotional, abused and reactive mother and an intelligent, charismatic, manipulative and narcissistic father growing up, I did not know if a perfect day was going to end up feeling like hell on earth in an instant. Looking back, it is unclear how much my younger sister and brother remembered, though I was from a very young age keenly aware of the subtle shifts in energy between my mother and father.
Alcohol played a big part in their lives, though yes my father came out victorious with the amount he drank. Parties, get-togethers would always see him become this monster. There would come this twinkle in his eye which meant for me to be on high alert. He would belittle my mother, me, be demanding, gaslight, constantly cheat and be thrown out time and time again, each time until the last me begging mum to have him come back. I even remember when I was eight or so, writing a letter to my mum pleading with her to have him back. And she did. The abuse did not stop, the drinking did not stop, the cheating did not stop…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to nicole loving earth to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.