the gentle man
wise with his thoughts, soft with his touch, kind with his words, open with his heart...
I dedicate this writing to the gentle men in my life.
I see you, I honour you, I love you, I thank you x
When I think of my big soft heart, I know I have many old, worn scars and I have still made the choice to live from a place of softness. It was a conscious decision to be love, to be kind, to be gentle. And just today I had the thought, there must be the same for our gentle men.
For the way that I viewed the world previously through my lens of past experiences was that there was not such a thing. I was not raised by a gentle man, I was not married to a gentle man. Yet they are here. There are gentle men in our world that have been born this way, that have had difficult experiences and still they have chosen softness over being hard. For a gentle man is not weak. He consciously chooses to be gentle. It takes an inner strength and resolve to be gentle. It is a choice. I see now that it can seem like a constant battle against what is fed on how to be a man in the world. And without a gentle way shown for them, they have still found this way to be.
I wrote a piece about sacred sexuality that is in free… the book, and I am now almost seeing this situation through the eyes of men, in my own way. For if we as women have been constantly fed what it is to be, how to act or dress, what we must change about ourselves to fit in, to be seen as attractive, loving, to be seen as successful, then this too has been placed upon men. Men have been fed a rhetoric also about how they must look, act, be, in a society that values hardness, a version of strength, a version of toughness. I see how this is slowly changing with each generation as it passes through and still there are some who cling to this image.
A soft, gentle man is so strong of heart, for he has seen the hardness, the toughness surrounding him, and he has still chosen to be loving, kind, gentle, playful. There is a lightness to their energy, there is a fearlessness to their courage, they are compassionate and empathetic, they see you, hear you. They operate from their heart rather than a wounded ego. They offer an unspoken safety and protection, just simply with their presence. They notice the little things. They are present with you. Distractions do not hold sway over the gentle man. This is not to say he has come from a gentle upbringing either.
I feel from our experiences we are always given a fork in the road. To carry on and to be what we have experienced whether it be to continue the tradition or to be the replicate of our upbringing, or, we pause, we reflect, and we choose to be the opposite. The hero or the villain.
“…There is only one thing that separates the villain and the hero in any story. Both have suffered much pain, hurt, and loss. Both have had trauma, destruction, death as a part of their backstory. The difference between the villain and the hero is that the villain makes the decision to hurt others because they have been hurt.
From their pain, they cause pain.
They choose to be cruel from the cruelty that life has shown them.
The hero on the other hand decides that they want to stop the pain, they want to save, heal or rescue so that others may never have to experience the pain that the hero has gone through.
The hero makes a decision to bring light to the world rather than darkness.
They turn their pain, hurt and loss into the driving force of their legacy.
To make a real difference to the world.
The hero chooses the sacredness of life, over and over again….”
(taken from free… living your life free within consciousness)
The gentle man is the hero in any story.
I can see how with raising their children they are true heroes as they are showing their girls what it means to be loved by a gentle man. How to be treated by a gentle man. They are showing their boys how to lead in this world as a gentle man. For a gentle man is a leader, comfortable in his emotions, comfortable showing affection and love, comfortable in having deep or meaningful conversations as much as sharing a joke and being in their child energy. Adventurous, playful, forthright and kind, they choose a path not well worn in a modern world where the stereotype is a form of soldier. These past outdated stereotypes I feel are slowly falling away as these men become fathers and see how they can change the world through their gentleness. Perhaps we as society have seen the gentle man as weak or soft, ridiculed or shunned instead of celebrated.
They have presence, respect, trust, gentle love, these are all elements of the gentle man. They have these qualities towards themselves, for others, for the world. And in turn, these are the qualities that I have learned from them. They have taught me how to trust men, how to respect men, how to honour them, how to love them.
I look back at my past relationships with the men who tried to love me and see how I had fallen into my masculine energy, how I felt if I was tougher, stronger, that I could bend them to my will. When all I actually wanted was to be held and comforted, to be told that everything will be ok. When our trauma rules our mind, our reactions, our nervous system, its damn near impossible to ask for your heart is needing or wanting.
My heart has battled wars and been broken, and while I still don’t know what love means, I know what gentle love feels like. For the longest time I equated excitement, risk and danger with love. Now I understand that gentle, soft, slow love is what I desire, and so this too may feel different or strange to me. This is the love I now show myself and this is how I treat the men around me, for one thing I have noticed is the softer I am around them, the more they soften, the more vulnerable I am, the more they are. The more respect I have, the more they naturally become our dear caretakers, protectors and warriors of kindness. My softness allows the gentle man to feel seen, heard, recognised and celebrated.
The one common thread I have noticed in how to recognise a gentle man is their connection. May it be to god or source, their own heart, a belief in the universe, a connection to nature or the natural world. They may or may not be conscious, though they believe in something greater than themselves. They believe in being a caretaker of the world, they walk lightly through this life. They are natural teachers, they are respected, they are seen as leaders in their community. They offer help or support, they notice things about you. They ask if you are ok. They care about the people in their lives. You feel safe as a woman in their presence.
God works directly through the gentle man as they honour the divine feminine in all her aspects.
I want to celebrate the gentle men, for whether they were shown this way of being, or whether they have forged this path themselves, you are truly a gift from god. You allow the women in your life to rest in your presence. You heal others by simply being. If you have a gentle man in your life, I want you to tell him how much you appreciate him. Celebrate him and his positive qualities, what he brings to your life. This gentle man for me growing up was my grandfather. He always had time for me, always taught me, was affectionate with me, the granddaughter who only ever wanted to crawl into his lap, even as a grown woman.
If we are wanting more gentle, loving connections with the men in our life, this starts with us. The more soft and open we become, the more we invite this energy from those around us. We allow the gentle men in our life to feel safe being their true selves, they flourish in their gentle way of being. They expand, and this in turn expands us also. For if there is no limit to love or kindness, then their is infinite ways of being gentle and soft.
If you are currently in relationship with a man and you are wishing he was more gentle, I ask you, lovingly, turn that arrow to self. For can you be more gentle? More kind? Give acknowledgment, give praise? For as women (and I am referring to the cis dynamic here) when we are in our masculine energy, there is disconnect from our menfolk being able to step into theirs. The ‘women can do it all’ movement did us all a disservice as we made our menfolk feel redundant. If we don’t trust, respect or let go of control, how can they lead?
Men who in the past have not trusted our intuition or don’t allow us to feel safe, we refuse or reduce our nurturing nature. We withhold love. Our natural driving force of creation stalls.
If we are feeling disconnected in our relationships, I have seen the first thing that we generally withhold is physical touch. The easiest way to reconnect is through touch. A hug, a holding of the hand, a look into each others eyes, a moment of recognition. A gentle expression of physical touch will invite his gentle nature to expand.
Communicating how we like to be touched or held, in gentle ways. Pathways to new ways of being.
So, put down your drink, take up your loves hand and look at them. Put down the remote and put on the music, dance with them, come back to your physical connection, play with their hair, touch them. Whisper the words you are given to say. A moment grows into new ways of being and we all have the openings for changing dynamics, with changing and evolving our relationships.
Relationship dynamics have been coming up for me a lot, with clients, with opportunities and so I have been looking at our loving relationships and how we can create more harmony. How can we create more deeper, loving connections.
If this writing has hit a chord with you and you would like to know more, or explore deeper, I have two workshops coming up, one online, one face to face in Cronulla, Sydney.
Both are loaded on the events page of my website and you can find out more here
This coming year will see me doing more workshops for both men and women and I have been asked to create a recurring class in person for dating, love and relationships. This will be for both men and women, it will be conversations, teachings and meditation practices to get to know you more and how you love to be loved. I’m really excited about these x
Of course sessions are open, for private work, whether in person or online for either singles, dating or in relationship.
Love will always be the answer, love will always be my focus, so in any moment you are wanting clarity, simply close your eyes and ask, what would love do?
I love you x and want to say thank you to the gentle men in my life x
x nicole
nicole is a writer & teacher of consciousness, spirituality & metaphysics; a gifted channel, akashic reader and energetic practitioner based in sydney, aus
connect with nicole via her website here -
https://www.nicolelovingearth.com/
to book your personal akashic session, or to find out more about being a student connect here - https://www.nicolelovingearth.com/bookasession
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connect with nicole via email here - nicolelovingearth@gmail.com